She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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