cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
