so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
