I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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