his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
