It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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