I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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