I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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