I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
