Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
