I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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