never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So many bounce houses so little time
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
