I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
