I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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