It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
