Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
