So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Boobs are out for the taking
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
