I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
