I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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