the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
