oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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