Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
