Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
