Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
