Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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