I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
