You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
