This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
