i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm passing your future prison.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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