Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
