Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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