I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
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She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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