her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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