I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
