if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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