Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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