u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
