my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
