if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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