my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
