I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
