Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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