Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You're like the curious george of whores
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
