You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
