"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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