Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
