How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
