this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
