those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
