just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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