I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
