do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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