You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
well you can't waste a boner
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
