my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
