all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
