And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
