very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
