I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
