We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
