Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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