I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
