she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
