i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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