you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
