I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
