I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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