I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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