we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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