i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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