Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
