I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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