I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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