i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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