I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
