U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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