Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
