before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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