So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
