Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Couch. On fire.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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