Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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