upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
