I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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